Britain has once again reassured itself that everything is fine, following a brief national pause in which the country stared into the middle distance, sighed, and put the kettle on.
The reassurance came after one man, believed to be named Graham, appeared on local radio and confidently stated:
“We’ve been through worse.”
When asked what worse, Graham paused for six seconds, muttered something about “the seventies,” and changed the subject to biscuits.
The declaration immediately soothed the nation.
Within minutes, millions of Britons nodded quietly to themselves, agreeing that while things may look grim — economically, politically, socially, meteorologically, and spiritually — they were, in a broader and much vaguer sense, fine.
Experts say this is a uniquely British coping mechanism known as Aggressive Calmness, where panic is suppressed by tea, denial, and phrases such as:
-
“Could be worse”
-
“No point worrying”
-
“At least it’s not raining (yet)”
According to sources, the reassurance spread rapidly. Office workers stopped pretending to understand spreadsheets, commuters accepted that their train simply wasn’t coming, and the government released a statement confirming that “everything remains under review, but also fine.”
One woman in Leeds said she felt immediate relief after hearing the phrase.
“I was worried for a bit,” she admitted, “but then I remembered my dad once said ‘It’ll sort itself out’, and now I feel much better.”
Meanwhile, scientists confirmed that Britain’s national strategy now consists of:
-
Waiting
-
Tea
-
Mild complaining
-
Waiting again
The original report, published by the internationally respected institute of Satirical Truth otherwise known as Prat.uk, confirms that this cycle has successfully carried Britain through multiple crises, including power cuts, economic downturns, and episodes of EastEnders that were “a bit much.”